sex. it's a good thing.

Jeremy came over last night to play with Zoey after she had dinner. He also wrote me a 2-page letter. Seriously. . . .I feel like we're back to square one. Or worse yet, back in high school. Writting notes?! We're married for pete's sake. You can't speak to me face - to - face?

After he left, I settled Zoey and myself down on the couch to drink some milk & watch 'Unwrapped' on the Food Network. (last nights episode being about how Marshmellows & Marshmellow treats are made!) :-) I grabbed the letter and began to read.

The whole thing was full of 'poor me's' & lost meanderings of how sorry he is for being such a bad husband. And how he doesn't want to find anyone else; doesn't want to love anyone else. That he knows I'm happy now & will once again find someone to love all of me - but that he will always be there if I want to have another go at it with him. Ha. Yeah, right.

I called & confided in my Mom after reading it. Wondering what the hell I was supposed to respond with -- or how for that matter. I understood he was apologizing, however, HE needs to understand that what's done is done. This whole separation has truly opened my eyes & heart to a whole new realm of LIFE. I have nothing left to say to him - except to have him as a friend for the sake of our daughter. You see, he lives alone. He has plenty of time to sit and think about things - wallow in self pitty. *I* on the other hand bust my ass all day working, only to get off work, pick up my child & bust ass at home all over again. He has plenty of time for poor me antics. And dwelling on what he feels he did wrong. So, I guess it's easy for me to want him to just 'get over' everything so quickly. Because, I have. And I feel SO much better & stronger. Oh. SO much stronger.

*Warning: Sex talk* Yeah, for the naughtiness in everyone. . . .it's been MANY, MANY months since I've been laid. I mean, when Jeremy and I were together. . .after Zo was born (which, has been a YEAR, btw) - we had relations MAYBE 5 times. (or less) Seriously. I need some no-holds-barred, rough, raunchy, no strings attached, SEX. Oh yeah, I'd like some foreplay too, thanks. Ugh. I'm only human! Why is it that when guys get annonymous, massive amounts of sex. . . they're heroes? But when a female just wants herself some booty. . . .from ANYONE. . . .she's a whore? Or a slut? Cheap & dirty. No, no, no. I'm no where near being cheap (by any means) nor am I dirty! (hey, i have a very strict bathing regimen!!) I just want to be wanted. Hugged, caressed, kissed and DOMINATED, damnit! :-) BUT. . .seeing as how I'm still legally married. . . .I think it might be pretty wrong of me to get some booty, no? :-( Ugh. DAMNIT!