i'm going loco.

Okay - yesterday was a very quiet & somber day. Weepy, too. I miss Zoey.

She and I stayed at my Mom's Tuesday night - and my Mom took her to Joy's Wednesday morning. So when I left for work, she was still sleeping. Then, I picked her up from Joy's yesterday afternoon, but she stayed the night with Jeremy last night! And when I picked her up from Joy's last night, Joy was a little frantic. Her youngest daughter (26, I think) is pregnant and due Sept. 19. She had planned on going down there to be with her next Thursday, and was going to tell us parents ahead of time so we could make alternate sitter plans. Well, her daughter called yesterday, and after a Dr. visit yesterday morning, they decided that after some complications they discovered, the will be inducing her this morning. So the sitter, Joy, wanted to be there. THEREFORE. . . Jeremy had to take Zoey to his Grandmother's house this morning. So, I've only seen Zoey for a total of maybe 45 minutes in 2 days! :-( Damnit, I NEED my Zoey! Well, I decided that I will take 1/2 my floating holiday with her today, and take a vacation day tomorrow! Yay! Just ME AND ZOEY! Gosh, this is going to be great! I love it!

Well, my best friend has royally screwed up!! Okay, since she is my BEST FRIEND. . .I tell her *everything* about me & what I do. I mean crap, she *IS* my best friend, y'know? Well, she knows that I've been hanging around a few old friends/ex's from high school. Just to have someone to hang out with! No, I'm not fucking around - or even dating anyone! I'm still married! But, I do enjoy the company of old friends & confidants and they have been extremely supportive!! Well, she told her husband who I've been hanging out with (when I told her NOT to), and in turn, seeing has how her husband and Jeremy are friends. . . . he runs and tells Jeremy. I just about lost it! I DO NOT want Jeremy knowing what I do in my life! Because hey! It's *MY* life! It's none of his business, nor anyone else's for that matter. . . therefore, I have resigned to keeping my mouth totally shut! I have no one left to trust. Therefore, what I do in my life, stays with me - no more laughing with 'R' about what I did last weekend, or who I saw/talked to. NOTHING. I just can't risk her telling her husband everything, and then him running to "tattle tale" on me to Jeremy.

I am ready to move on with my life. Jeremy, on the other hand, has made this whole revelation about how bad of a husband he was, etc. And about how he was being selfish, and was begging me not to give up on "us." Ugh. I'm sorry to inform him, that it's just too little too late! He left me/us. And I was left to pick up the pieces. I had to sober up my feelings very quickly when he left - get all my ducks in a row, and figure out what the hell I was going to do! I lost respect for him, and a lot of my feelings regarding him have changed! I don't see him in the same light I once did. I mean, he left! He gave up! And now, he thinks *I* am giving up, because I want a divorce. Nope. I'm not giving up - I'm moving on. I've been forced too, and I'm okay with it now. I'm ready - and that's what I'm going to do. Only, he insists on NOW trying to "work things out." But I can't. I just can't!!! Things are different now. I'm happy, for once!

Anyway, he and I need to have a major discussion SOON, because I want him OFF my back. He's feeling lonely & feeling sorry for himself, and frankly I'm tired of it. He did it all to himself, and now he needs to gain the strength to get back up and keep moving. The world doesn't stop to let you off! It's going to keep turning regardless. And only YOU can make YOU happy. He needs to learn that. Geez. It's only 8am, and I'm brain-fried.