I need to get laid

I was SOOOO bad this weekend. Yup. Baaaaaad. . . .

I had to take a ½ day last Thursday, and a vacation day on Friday, because my sitter’s daughter is pregnant and was due on the 19th. Well, due to some complications with her and the baby – she was being induced on Thursday & my sitter really wanted to be with her. She apologized to me over and over again (She’s an older lady), “I’m SO sorry, Courtney. I had planned on letting ya’ll know ahead of time when I was going to be with Candance.” I told her not to worry – that these things happen! Plus, I’m not going to complain about spending some extra time with my daughter!

So, Thursday, Zoey and I really didn’t do much. Friday, she and I went shopping! Yay. Generally, I HATE the Parks Mall in Arlington, but they’ve opened up a LOT of new shops. And going on a Friday in the morning, really was nice! It wasn’t crowded and I had ample parking choices! I found myself a really cute top & a pair of boots that were on sale for $24. I also bought Zoey and I lunch at Chik-Fil-A. Just a nice little day. . . my daughter and I. She didn’t fuss all day. And usually, being in the stroller for an extended amount of time really pisses her off.

Saturday night, Zoey stayed with her Nana & Poppa. . . . while I went to Pete’s Piano Bar with a ton of friends for a birthday. (actually, an ex boyfriends/friends birthday) It was SO much fun. And surprisingly. . . I didn’t get drunk! I had a total of 3 Tequila Sunrise’s spaced out though a 5 hour period. We were there from 8pm ‘till 1am. We all had SO much fun! We sang and all danced together. It was a blast! And, here’s where I will sound like a whore. . . .so, please, no rude comments, gestures or spitting! I am me, this is my diary and how I feel. Ha ha ha ha.

This whole birthday party thing was for my ex, well, um, he’ll have to remain nameless. Let’s just call him SD. I don’t know why, but there is always this strong, sexual chemistry between us whenever we’re together. Maybe it stems back from when we dated in high school. I was 15 – he was 18. . . and he was my first love, first sexual partner, first everything! Or maybe it is because I haven’t had sex in nearly a year. Or maybe it’s just because I’m really vulnerable right now. Either way, I had REALLY planned on getting some booty from him Saturday night! I was really looking forward to some ‘lovin’ and had a feeling he was thinking/feeling the same way. A mutual female friend of ours even told me that night, that he said that he and I are ‘good friends’ and that he isn’t looking for a relationship with me. . . but if the right moment approached, he’d definitely have casual sex with me. But – for those of you who don’t know. I am still technically married. (damnit!) Though soon to be divorced. I no longer live with my husband, nor have feelings for him. And vice-versa. And that small little conscious in the back of my head kept saying, “Courtney, I know you really need some sex right now, but you are still married. You are going to regret it!” Especially once my friend told me that SD, “Wasn’t looking for a relationship with me, just casual sex.” That kind of put it all into perspective for me. That I really shouldn’t do this. AS MUCH AS I WANTED it (or needed it) – I couldn’t do it. Ugh. So I sat on SD’s lap & hugged him as I was leaving the bar– and he looked me in the eyes and told me how beautiful I was. Awwww . . . . that made me want him EVEN MORE! GEEZ. I told him that I know we’re good friends, and that I felt I could speak frankly around him. I told him that I think we both knew what he each had in store for each other when we left, but that I just couldn’t do it. He asked WHY, and I told him that I knew we would regret it. (as I swallowed the huge lump in my throat) But I told him that I wanted to give him a birthday kiss – for old time’ sake. So, we kissed – him starring me eye-to-eye the whole time. I can’t describe the feeling of my body when we kissed. I can’t say how long it’s been since someone has so passionately kissed me. I had to leave before it escalated. The whole time driving home – my heart on my sleeve. . . .sobbing into my steering wheel. I just want to be loved & taken care of. Held & kissed with such passion & vigor that it seems the kiss will never end. Okay, so I’m lonely. So what. Shut up.